These past two years have been a roller coaster of experiences!

Reflection seems to be the key to my sanity!

To put things in perspective: I suffered the unexpected loss of my mother, lived 600 miles from my husband, developed an unexplained rash that covered my entire body, beginning stages of menopause with a 30 pound weight gain, my daughter got married, my son walking away from a college and soccer scholarship and moving back to Florida, changing jobs, moving to and from two states, spending a ton of money and going back to school.

Wow, doesn’t that sound exhausting? Yes, it has been a journey and I am tired! I figured, if I didn’t laugh. I would cry!

Over the last year and a half, I tried to put everything into perspective and justify my decisions to move from Kentucky to Florida, back to Kentucky and back to Florida!

However, the more desperate I became, the more I sounded like I was challenging God. I found myself angry and questioning how he could allow this experience to impact our family in so many ways.

At times, I found myself in the deepest despair…. Working during the day and crying throughout the night. With my husband staying back in Florida to work his job and care for our son, we could only saw him on weekends. I tried to be the rock for my two sons that were staying with me in Kentucky.

I tried to be strong and I leaned on friends, family and my church to comfort me. We were blessed with a community of support, I had a great job, and everything was comfortable, but inside, I was cracking everyday!

Some people didn’t understand my struggle. There are many people that have spouses in the military and those who work out of town, but, this was different. We were paying for two homes, traveling, and living in two cities … not sure who would make the final decision to make it stop.

As more time passed , the more comfortable we became. It was becoming the new normal. Our children were acting as though we were a split family home. My husband and I could see the complacency in our children and ourselves. We felt overwhelmed with loneliness, our marriage suffering, at times, becoming angry and being resentful and often blaming each other for remaining apart.

My prayers became demanding and bold, often begging God to show up and give us a sign. The kids became increasingly comfortable in school, the community and in the home that we were renting.

I felt guilty that my husband was thriving at his job in another state and so was I. My kids became increasingly comfortable but I was struggling to give it my all. I was thankful that I was surrounded by supportive people,

I was distracted and in despair daily. I, felt guilty, which limited my ability to enjoy my surroundings and emotionally invest. I was constantly worrying about making the wrong decision.

But…… Every time I prayed, I heard God say.. Trust me.

The problem was, I didn’t want trust…. I wanted results and direction; I didn’t want to be responsible for making the life changing decisions. I was tired.

And then it happened, the river flowed back!

We made the decision to reconnect our family in Florida. A decision that is hard for two High School boys who do not understand the financial and emotional impact living in two locations had on our family.
Excited to return our lives to normal, but sad to leave family, good friends, my job and my wonderful church.

Today, I am thankful for the crazy experiences and opportunities we have had. And most importantly, I lean on the security that God did not give up on us. I continue to hear God whisper in my ear.. “Trust Me”

Now, I am embracing new opportunities, surrounded by wonderful people and thankful to have my family in one place.

I can finally rest knowing that God is in control and always present, no matter where we are in our journey or where we live!